in search of

topic posted Sun, September 2, 2007 - 4:55 PM by  Lowki
well i have delt with feeling of polygamy for a long time and have had the most difficult time accepting the fact that i am a poly person. so i come here now as a newly poly switch looking to meet people near or around me. i live in Oakland and am bi and looking for play partners adn possibly a female primary. sorry guys but i still lean more towards women for now. i don't wanna sound noobish or naive but any help and input would be awesome!
posted by:
Lowki
SF Bay Area
  • Re: in search of

    Mon, September 3, 2007 - 10:26 AM
    Welcome. Good to hear you're taking the journey of self discovery. :) The one thing I will say at the moment in particular is that you should be careful with use of the word "polygamy". The word polygamy technically means "multiple marriage" whereas polygyny means multiple wives and polyandry means multiple husbands. However because of dominant cultural trends, "polygamy" is usually used socially to mean "multiple wives". This form of polygamy has been unpopular in mainstream culture here in the states for several generations and has been played up in mainstream media a lot in recent years, generally highlighting the extreme cases that push everyone's buttons because the producers know that's what generates ratings. So amongst the broader poly(amorous) community what you'll find is that there's generally kind of a "polygamists give us a bad name" vibe, although it varies from people not liking the one-sided Utah Mormon style polygamy in which only multiple wives are supported (along with other institutionalized gender roles), to people being more annoyed with the media coverage. So make sure if you're going to talk with people about polygamy that you really are talking about multiple marriages and not just multiple relationships.

    Also I myself have identified as bi (or moreover pansexual or sapiosexual) for several years. Don't be too eager to push yourself to have those experiences either -- you're likely better off waiting until you feel reasonably comfortable with someone to experiment with them, rather than jumping in and finding that the other person is just using you.
    • Re: in search of

      Mon, September 3, 2007 - 11:06 PM
      thanks for the clarification. i usually just use the term poly but is seams to me that most people are turned off by the idea of having multiple partners. it is difficult being young and already havening expierenced many relationships already to now have to deal with new ones all over again.
      • Re: in search of

        Tue, September 4, 2007 - 7:13 AM
        Have you been to polyamory.org? You might want to also check out The Ethical Slut, too. These things might help you both sort out feelings and provide answers to people.