WHat to do when your lovers do nto get along . One says she is trying the other says that she will try but thinks the other is a user. I listen to both and acare about them both . Just unsure what to do .
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SF Bay Area
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Re: what to do
Tue, October 30, 2007 - 3:42 PMWhat do you think is true? Do you think the one is a user or do you think that is just something the one is saying just to discredit the other? Listen to your gut. Other than that, I am out of my league. I was never in a triad. -
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Re: what to do
Tue, October 30, 2007 - 4:09 PM>>I was never in a triad. <<
I'm guessing the original post here is about a "V" , not a triad. That said I would recomend doing whatever you could to try to get all three of you to sit down together and try to hash some of this stuff out. After all you'd all theoretically like the other two to be as happy as possible which would make it a lot easier for the individual diads involved.
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Re: what to do
Wed, October 31, 2007 - 1:22 PMIt sounds to me as though these two are having problems trusting your responses in the relationship. One feels that you will be manipulated in some harmful way by the other, perhaps to her detriment? Have there been any incidents that may have raised this fear in either of their minds?
Have you shared some information with one about the other that has caused some distrust between the two of them?
There are so many things that can contribute toward people not feeling "safe" in a relationship V. Maybe some honest examination of *why* they may feel as they do toward one another would be helpful. Is there any valid explanation for either of them feeling this way? Because, as much as we'd like to believe otherwise, there are times when such fears are legitamate even when we care a great deal for those involved.
Were both of them poly before getting involved in this relationship with you? If not, is there "monogamous-based" hope that you will change your relatiohship style for one of them which the other may suspect?
Lots of questions come up when this kind of thing happens.
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Re: what to do
Mon, November 5, 2007 - 11:11 PMjus to be clear they knew each othe ryears before. But it would appear the r at that time they where bothgetting bad informtion from a matual friend. But this mutual friend is still tryiong to sleep with both e of them ( which neithe r one eants to sleepwith again ever) , as well as talkes baddly about them to each other . So I can see this drama. But both of them hae agreed to keep His opion aside and get to knoweach other so that they can judge thign for themselved . We all taked this weekend when we where all at the same place. -
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Re: what to do
Mon, November 5, 2007 - 11:32 PMAhh, that makes sense. It's good that they're willing to let the past go and build on the present.
Best wishes to all of you.
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